


Someone Who Is Her Partner

by bilgegungoren00



Series: A Boy from Daxam and a Girl from Krypton (KaraMel) [25]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/M, chapter 1 Mon-El pov, chapter 2 Kara pov, ending scene, supergirl - Freeform, supergirl 2x10
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-31
Updated: 2017-02-06
Packaged: 2018-09-21 05:13:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9533099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bilgegungoren00/pseuds/bilgegungoren00
Summary: Supergirl 2x10 ending scene from both Kara/Mon-El pov.





	1. he is okay

**Author's Note:**

> SPOILER WARNING FOR SUPERGIRL 2x10 (if you aren't caught up, go watch it, it's amazing)
> 
> Oh my God. Oh. My. God. Seriously, that episode of Supergirl, it was one of the best episodes I've watched so far this year! And that last scene, it literally brought tears to the eyes of a girl who rarely cries for TV shows or movies (not that I don't want to, I just can't cry that easily). It was so beautiful and the emotions were so genuine from both Mon-El and Kara. You could literally see everything they were thinking reflected on their faces and it was just so...pure. It might actually be the single most romantic scene I ever watched (yes, among all those beautiful scenes of all the couples I ever shipped) because even though there was no touching, no kissing or sex, you could see the intensity and love these two people have for each other (yes, Kara totally loves Mon-El, don't you dare disagree me on that) and the chemistry between them was so amazing, they proved for me that no, romance doesn't need any of the three I mentioned when you have two people in love with each other and two amazing actors to play them. Seriously, my kudos goes to Melissa Benoist and Chris Wood, it was just amazing!
> 
> So of course I had to write a fanfic about it. Duh. As it says in the summary, this will be the ending scene of 2x10 (insert heart-eyes here) from both Kara and Mon-El's point of view. Chapter 1 is Mon-El, chapter 2 is Kara. Hope you enjoy it!

Mon-El thought there was a good chance his heart would burst in his chest. It was slamming against his ribs for some time now, making it hard for him to breathe or think clearly, every beat whispering him to turn back and run away. _Run before you ruin everything_. The sentence was on repeat in his mind for about two hours, ever since…

Ever since he decided to tell Kara everything.

It was around the time they were safely back in the DEO after taking down Livewire. No, it was actually before that, when he and James were captured by that crazy man trying to turn them into some lightning monsters, promising that they would work for him. The first thing that came to his mind then was that Kara didn’t know. She didn’t know how much she meant to him, she didn’t know how much he wanted her to be his friend, how much he _liked_ her. She didn’t even trust him, and the only thing he wanted to do was get out of there and find Kara, so he could tell her everything: why he saved Kara in that police station instead of protecting the police officers, why he lied about the kiss and pretended it never happened, why he dodged her question when she asked him whether he liked him or not… He wanted, needed her to know everything before he became a monster.

_I can’t trust you_. The words still hurt, even if it was hours later. It hurt that he was the reason of those words, of Kara not trusting him. He was a coward, hiding behind a curtain of lies and running away at the slightest hint of danger. It didn’t have to be a physical threat, that he could most likely handle on earth. It was emotions that scared him, emotions he was running away from, and that fear could cost him everything now.

_Why can’t you just listen to me? Why are you working with me?_ The answer literally had been at the tip of his tongue, aching to get out. _Because I like you. Because the thought of you getting hurt, or worse, is so painful that I can’t handle it. Because I want to be worthy of you so that I could_ deserve _to care about you_. Yet they’d been stuck at his throat, and he’d muttered out some lame excuse about having powers and using them for good.

_Do you like me? You kissed me when you were sick. Are you working with me because you like me?_ The words spun around his head again, torturing him with the disappointment he’d heard in Kara’s voice. She’d been disappointed in him, and damn she had that right. He’d failed her in any way possible. He wasn’t a good hero, that was for sure, yet he had also failed to be a good friend. A good friend would’ve been honest. A good friend would’ve listened to their friend. A good friend wouldn’t have run away with a bunch of lies.

That was all he could think with his hands tucked in his pockets, leaning behind the wall next to Kara’s door, waiting for her to come. And despite all of those thoughts about cowardice and failure running through his mind, a part of him still wanted to run away.

He hated that part. Most of all, he hated that that part was about to overcome whatever amount of goodness and heroism he had in him.

Fortunately, that was when Kara appeared around the corner. She was wearing a pink dress under a black blazer jacket, her hair tied into a ponytail. Mon-El’s pounding heart skipped with the sight of her, fear filling his lungs and leaving a much little space for air. He could only stare at Kara, thinking how beautiful she was with her caramel colored hair tumbling down her back and blue eyes shining like comets as she approached him.

“Hi,” she said almost too distantly, slowing down her pace. Despite his tightened nerves and absolutely freaked out mind, he managed to greet her with a “hey” that sounded way normal than he felt.

Kara walked to the door, jiggling her keys as she glanced at Mon-El, as if she was expecting him to say something. Suddenly, all the words he’d planned to say left his mind, and he couldn’t find anything meaningful.

“Yeah, that’s…that’s your door. You should…” he stuttered out instead as Kara pushed the door open, inviting him in.

“Come on in.”

“Thanks.”

Leaving her bag right next to her door, Kara walked to the kitchen counter. “So, are you okay?” she asked Mon-El, not even turning around. Mon-El was sure she was just avoiding the conversation that was coming up since the Kryptonian had checked up on him right after she defeated Livewire, yet he jumped on the question. _Small talk. Good. That I can do_.

“Yeah,” he said as he shut the door, scratching his cheek. It was a nervous habit of his that he seemed unable to drop. He took a deep breath, gathering all the courage he has in all the cells in his body as he walked up to Kara. “Um, just you…” He tucked his hands in his pockets, looking up at her. “You were right.” _There it is. I said it_. That was at least a step in the right direction, not avoiding his feelings but jumping right into them. Kara deserved it. Most of all, she deserved to know the truth. “I remember kissing you.”

Kara straightened up after his words, avoiding his gaze. He couldn’t take his eyes off her, though, even as she lifted her hand to her glasses as if she wanted to shut him out. _No_. _Not right now_. She had to listen, because Mon-El seriously doubted he’d have the courage to talk to her again.

“Do you wanna— Do you wanna sit?” he asked, pointing at the stool in front of her. “I…”

“Sure, okay,” Kara said, leaning back on the stool as Mon-El continued to babble, not being able to stop himself. He needed to get this done fast, or else he’d point out every useless thing around them just to avoid the confession.

“We’re gonna sit. That’s a good idea.” He pulled the stool to himself and sat across Kara behind the kitchen counter. Leaning forward, he rested his elbows on the counter and clasped his hands together, staring at them for a moment. _Just say it_ , he told himself, trying to think over his stammering heart. He focused on Kara instead, this beautiful woman that was sitting in front of him, who still had not kicked him out of the house or told him to get the hell away from her after everything he’d done. He was thoroughly grateful for that.

“I remember,” he said again, looking up at her. “I was sick and alone, and… You were leaning over me, and… You must’ve been sad, or something, because your eyes were insanely blue, I mean…” He croaked out small smile, opening his palms in an attempt to explain everything. He couldn’t keep his hands still, he couldn’t just _sit_ straight. He was too anxious for that. He clasped his hands together yet again. “I mean, they always are, but they were like…like _comets_ , and I’d never seen anyone so stunning. And I kissed you.” He lifted his eyes to face Kara, to see her reaction. She was just staring at him, with those blue, comet-like eyes of hers and an irritatingly unreadable expression. Mon-El wasn’t even sure she was breathing. He certainly wasn’t, and he was pretty sure all his fear was written all over his face. Pressing his lips together, he forced himself to continue as he turned his eyes to his hands yet again. He was trying to be brave, yes, but baby steps. He was at least trying, which was way more than what he’d done on Daxam. “And it was, uh… It was okay that I was…” _dying because I kissed you_. The words were in his mind, yes, but they somehow seemed unable to leave his lips. His heart was beating even faster, as if that had been possible, leaving little room for anything else but fear. He suddenly wanted some disaster to happen, something that Supergirl could rush to fix so that he wouldn’t have to continue.

And then he scolded himself for wanting that. He couldn’t run away from this. No.

Scratching his lip, he pulled out everything he had before he lifted his head again. He still couldn’t look at her in the eye, though. He focused on the refrigerator behind her, shining blue-green in the darkness, pushing his tears away. “It was okay that I was gonna die because I’d gotten to kiss you.” His voice was shaking with held-back tears and an attempt to hide his pain. That was when he turned to Kara, studying his expression, searching for a sign of disappointment, contempt, or ridicule. There was none. In fact, the moment their eyes met, Kara had dropped her chin to take off her glasses and avoided his gaze. His shoulders slumped slightly at her reaction—or lack of it, thereof—yet he didn’t let it affect him. He expected that. He knew it. Kara didn’t like him, not in the way he liked her, and he’d accepted that fact. He was just afraid of her shutting him out because of her feelings. He could handle being only friends with Kara, he’d be more than okay with it, yet he couldn’t handle _that_. He couldn’t handle it if Kara pushed him off because of his feelings for her, which was entirely his fault. She didn’t ask him to fall in— She didn’t ask him to like her.

Kara dropped her face to her hand, rubbing her forehead with her fingers. The silence was stretching between them again, like there was a hundred miles between them. Mon-El had to break the silence before it became unbearable. “I, um…” Clearing his throat, he stood up when sitting became too…restless. His eyes were looking at anywhere but Kara’s face, afraid to see what was in her expression now. “I saved you at the police station because…” _This is it. Tell her. Tell her now_. It took all his strength to lift his head, looking into Kara’s eyes as he said probably the most important words of his life. He had to at least look at her as he said them. “Because I care about you.” Kara’s lips parted slightly with his words before she closed them and swallowed hard, her eyes never leaving Mon-El’s. Even in the dim light, they were shining so, so blue. He shook his head, not truly believing how beautiful a pair of eyes could be. “Comets,” he whispered, not entirely aware of his voice.

“Mon-El,” Kara said after what felt like minutes, dropping her chin as if she didn’t know what to say. As if she was struggling with the words. Mon-El interjected before she could continue.

“I’m not here to change your mind,” he reassured her. “I get… I get that you don’t care about me.” It took all of his self-control not to grimace with the pain ofsaying the words out loud. Despite thinking about it over and over again, convincing himself there could never be anything between him and Kara, it hurt to see her reaction. He guessed that deep down, there was some part of him that hoped that maybe Kara returned his feelings, maybe they could actually have a chance.

Apparently, it wasn’t true.

“I do care about you,” Kara objected, knitting her brows. It was at best a lame attempt to make him feel better.

“But not in the same way. That’s…” _It’s okay. It’s okay_. Maybe repeating it enough times would make him actually believe it. He cleared his throat, looking away. “That’s good. That’s fine. It’s…okay. You know, just…just keep working with me.” _Just don’t leave me alone_. “I-I’ve been honest about this, let’s just… Then we can ignore it, alright, we can let it go.” He forced a smile, trying to lighten up the mood in the room. Kara only kept looking at him, though, not even trying to smile. “Just put it behind us. Yeah?”

“Um, yeah,” Kara said, dropping her head and shaking it.

“Just keep…keep being my partner.”

“Of course. Of course.” Relief washed over Mon-El with those two small words, a genuine smile almost pulling his lips. “Thank you for being honest with me,” Kara continued, lifting her head. Mon-El could only nod slightly, not really knowing how to respond. He was hoping he would feel like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders, yet all he felt was a lot more of it weighing him down.

“Yeah, okay,” he could only mutter, looking away. Finally, when he turned back to her, there was another smile on his face, one he hoped looked real enough. “Good talk.” At the last second, right before turning back, he lifted his hand in a high five position. His eyes were filled with hope as he stared at Kara. That at least had earned a smile from her, making Mon-El think once again that she must have the most beautiful smile on earth. Or universe, in that matter. Luckily, Kara didn’t let his hand stay up in the air and high-fived.

He looked at Kara one last time, savoring the moment, her smile as she looked at her, and reminded himself that he didn’t lose her completely. They would still be friends, _partners_. That was enough. That should be enough.

Turning away, he walked to the door and opened it, before turning back to Kara again. “See you tomorrow, partner,” he told her with a smile. Kara nodded, looking at him with the same shocked expression that filled her face for the whole night. That was when he left, shutting the door behind him, and he tried to shut his heart to his feelings for Kara the same way.

Of course, the second one didn’t work just as well.

* * *

_You want the truth?_   
_All those times I’ve said,_   
_“I’m okay”_   
_I lied._   
_Truth is,_   
_I’m not okay._   
_And I wish you already knew that._   
_I’ve always kept it a secret,_   
_Because you’re all the way over there._   
_And I’m all the way over here._   
_And I didn’t want to make it so obvious,_   
_That you are the only thing,_   
_That makes me okay._


	2. she is not okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara's POV of the ending scene of Supergirl 2x10 (you know the one I'm talking about).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!!!
> 
> So it's midnight, and I have school tomorrow, and I should probably in bed by now, yet I just had to publish it today. Partly because I couldn't write this one in class (yes, I do write fanfictions in lessons, I know I shouldn't, but that's totally my extremely boring teacher's fault) since I would need sound to watch the scene (despite watching it over and over again and almost memorizing all the lines), and partly because I wanted to finish it before the new episode of Supergirl, so that I could write it without my memory being affected by the episode. This was relatively harder to write than Mon-El's, because while his emotions were easier to understand, Kara was rocking a pretty solid poker face throughout the whole scene except some occasions. I guess that's why this is longer, as I added a lot of inner monologues to make up for the lack of reactions from Kara. I hope you enjoy it!

The last thing Kara expected was to find Mon-El standing by her door as she turned the corner, searching her bag for her keys. Her fingers had wrapped around them and she’d lifted her head, and there he was, leaning to the wall with his hands tucked in his pockets. As if he’d felt her coming, he’d lifted his head the moment she had, their gazes meeting. Kara’s steps halted as she felt her heart skipping.

_What is he doing here? At this time of the night?_

She managed to hide her surprise—oh, and the skip of her heart—as she continued walking as if she wasn’t surprised at all. “Hi,” she said, her eyes never leaving Mon-El’s face as he straightened up.

“Hey.” That was the only thing he said as Kara passed by him to reach her door. She could feel his eyes on her, watching her every movement, and his tense body way close to her. One downside of being an alien was that even from across the room she could feel someone’s heartbeat and body heat, see every single gesture and expression clearly, as if that someone was standing right beside her. And there were merely inches between her and Mon-El as she stopped and turned to the door, her chin ducked to avoid his gaze.

It was too close. Especially after everything that had happened that day.

She stopped a couple of feet away from the door, realizing that Mon-El was blocking her way to the lock. Playing with the strap of her bag, she stared at the door handle, hoping she wouldn’t have to ask him to step aside. Luckily, he’d stepped back.

“Yeah, that’s…that’s your door. You should…” he stuttered as Kara placed the key in the lock, not being able to help a small smile. Yet something also constricted his heart with Mon-El’s obvious anxiety and his fast-beating heart— _listening to it doesn’t make me a stalker, right?_ —because, well… Mon-El was rarely anxious. He didn’t fumble with his words, he always knew what to do—at least it seemed like it—and he never looked like a…well, a lost puppy. She wondered what was going on for a brief second, before opening the door.

_It’s about what I said_ , she thought. _What else can it be about? I told him he kissed me_.

Yes, she’d told him in the spur of a moment that she kissed him. She didn’t even know where the words came from. _You kissed me when you were sick_. The words came out of her mouth without her intention. She was angry, oh so angry at Mon-El, that she didn’t think. She couldn’t think. All she could see was one of those fake Livewires shooting electricity at the police officers, Guardian stepping in and falling down, and then… And then it was James, lying in the ground in Guardian suit. It was Mon-El’s fault. She’d specifically told him to stay with the police officers several times, to “protect citizens above all else”, yet he didn’t listen. It could cost people’s lives. It could cost _James’s_ life.

And then she’d continued _. Do you like me? Are you working with me because you like me?_ She’d pondered on those questions several times in the last few weeks, trying to decide the best way to approach Mon-El with them, yet she surely didn’t want it to be this way. It was an accusation made out of rage, and if she was to be truly honest with herself, she wasn’t sure if she believed she was right. Maybe she was reading the signs wrong. Maybe Mon-El didn’t like her, maybe he just saw her as a friend. People protected their friends as well; that could easily be the reason why Mon-El left those police officers to save her.

She should’ve thought her words over before just snapping at Mon-El. Yet it was too late.

“Come on in,” she said softly after she managed to open her door, strolling in.

“Thank you.” Kara threw her bag to her side as she bit her lip, searching her mind to find something to say. Something to delay the conversation. _Maybe he’ll say he doesn’t want to work with me anymore. He has that right. I basically told him I didn’t trust him_. The truth was, despite what happened in the police station, she did want to continue working with Mon-El. Their trainings had quickly become the best part of her days. She enjoyed being around him, as he somehow managed to make her laugh no matter the situation. She didn’t want to give that up.

_On the other hand, can I trust him truly? When the next time comes to make a decision between me and civilians, will he be able to choose them? Can I risk it?_ She wasn’t sure.

“So, are you okay?” she finally asked, taking a deep breath. She’d checked in with him, made sure he was okay back at the DEO, yet she couldn’t find anything else to say.

“Yeah,” Mon-El said, clearing his throat. That was when Kara turned to him, only to see him walk slowly to the middle of the room, scratching his cheek. “Just you… um…” he started, tucking his hands to his pockets. His eyes stayed on her for a second before he turned them away. As if he was unable to look at her. His heart rate spiked, blood rushing to his cheeks; Kara tried not to notice as she rested one hand on the kitchen counter, the other on her waist. “You were right,” Mon-El continued, finally turning back to her.

_About what? I’ve said a lot of things today,_ a part of her wanted to say, yet the other part—the bigger part—knew what Mon-El was talking about. _The kiss. He’s talking about the kiss_.

“I remember kissing you.”

With those four words, Kara’s breath hitched in her throat. She should’ve known, of course. Well, a part of her knew it. Yet hearing it, hearing Mon-El confess it was a whole lot of different than just _knowing_ it. Pressing her lips together, she swallowed hard and ducked her chin, trying to hide her pounding heart from Mon-El. _Can he hear it, too? Can he hear my heart pounding, as I hear his?_ She didn’t really want to know.

This was too soon. She didn’t expect him coming forward like that, not this soon. not ever. She didn’t expect him to admit. Yet here he was, standing in front of her, confessing it to her with all his honesty. She didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know how to react, except that… Except that she knew her body was divided in two at that very second, one part extremely excited and the other part petrified. Lifting her shoulders to keep her composure, she grabbed her glasses to straighten them up, even though she didn’t really need it. She couldn’t say anything as Mon-El continued, pointing at the kitchen stools.

“Do you wanna… Do you wanna sit?” Kara, dropping her hand to her jacket to keep it somewhat occupied—she didn’t know why but it felt extremely uncomfortable to just leave it to her side—as she turned to the stool. “I…” Mon-El fumbled with his words again as she nodded.

“Yeah, sure,” she said, hoping her voice didn’t betray her feelings, as she pulled a stool close. _Get a grip on yourself, Kara_ , she scolded herself. _You knew he remembered the kiss. His confession doesn’t change anything. It shouldn’t_.

“We’re gonna sit. That’s a good idea,” Mon-El babbled, as if trying to fill the silence, before he sat down across from her. Kara folded her hands on her lap immediately, keeping her shoulders straight like a student called to the principal’s office. Well, she certainly felt the same: she had no idea what Mon-El was about to tell her. Mon-El, on the other hand, had leaned forward, clasping his hands on top of the counter. He licked his lips before he started, staring at his hands for a full—agonizing—second.

“I-I remember,” he said, opening his palms and lifting his eyes. Kara could do nothing but stare at him, holding her breath. She didn’t know how, maybe it was his expression, the way he played with his hands as if he also couldn’t keep them straight or unoccupied, or the slight shakiness in his voice, but this was different than the time she confronted him about liking her earlier. This time, he was being completely honest.

Which was scarier, as opposed to what others might believe. Lies weren’t real, they had no power over anyone’s life if you didn’t believe them. You could be slightly annoyed, of course, but you could discard them quickly because you knew they weren’t true. Truth, though… Now that had the power to change lives, to alter one’s path in an irreversible way. Once you knew something was true, there was no way of discarding and avoiding it. You had to face it.

_Am I ready to face this truth?_

Before Kara could decide, Mon-El continued, his gaze switching between his hands and her face.

“I was sick and alone, and… You were leaning over me, and… And you must’ve been sad, or something, because your eyes were in-insanely blue, I mean… I mean, they always are, but they were like…like _comets_.” Kara’s heart started beating at her throat with his words. Her throat was knotted, her hands were shaking on her lap and she was barely holding back her tears. _Comets_. She had a hard time believing it. She remembered what they were like, easily seen from both Krypton and Daxam, and… Beautiful wouldn’t be a good enough word to describe them. _He’s just exaggerating_ , she thought _. Or it was the drugs. It should be the drugs_.

But why would he lie about this? Why would he tell her how beautiful her eyes were if it weren’t the truth? He wasn’t teasing her, she could see. This wasn’t a joke. _But then what it is?_

_Why am I having such a hard time believing that he’s being honest?_

She honestly didn’t know what her face looked like at that moment, her muscles tightened up in an attempt to hide her tears and quivering lips. Suddenly, with his words, she felt weak. With all that power in her body, and she didn’t know what to do, how to react, what to say… With all her physical strength, she didn’t have mental strength when she needed it the most.

“And I’d never seen anyone so stunning. And I kissed you.” His words were coming out as a staccato, each word almost separately breathed out. There was a thickness in his voice, something that suggested Kara wasn’t the only one holding back her tears. He was, too. He was just worse at pretending. Kara had to take deep breaths, in and out, in and out, to keep herself going, keep herself from freaking out, or telling Mon-El to stop. Every word was a weight weighing her down more and more, making it harder to keep her shoulders up. _Stop_ , she wanted to say. _That’s enough. I can’t do it. Not right now_. She wasn’t ready. She wasn’t ready for such honesty.

Mon-El pressed his lips together, waiting for what felt like minutes. He turned his eyes away. “And it was, uh… It was okay that I was…” _What?_ Kara thought, yet she knew the answer. He’d said it before. _If I die here, maybe I deserve to_ , he’d said at Cadmus. _It’s okay. I’ve cheated death more times than anyone_ , he’d said, right before…

_Right before he kissed me_. And now… Now, she knew there was only one word that could complete that sentence. Yet she still thought _“What?”_ because that was easier to think than what was coming. As long as there was a question mark, as long as it wasn’t certain, there was a chance of doubting. She could choose to doubt.

Mon-El stared at a spot behind Kara as he scratched his lower lip, before lifting his eyes. Yet he still struggled to face her as he fixed his eyes above this time. “It was okay that I was dying because I’d gotten to kiss you.” He rushed the words out, like if he had stopped he wouldn’t find the courage to continue again.

And that was it. That was the last bit of weight that crushed her. She tried to blink, tried to push everything away, yet it wasn’t working. Even the glasses, her ponytail, everything was weighing her down. Being _Kara Danvers_ was weighing her down. That person was a normal human being, she didn’t have super strength, she didn’t go out fighting criminals and aliens alike, she wasn’t a superhero. She was weak. And at that moment, all she wanted was to rip off her clothes, to become Supergirl, fly in the air and maybe stop some robberies, forget everything. When she became Supergirl, when she flew, when bullets bounced off her chest as people tried to kill her, she felt strong. When a civilian she saved looked at her with gratitude, when a little girl smiled at her when she saw Supergirl, that was when she felt like the best version of herself. Her head hurt. Her heart hurt. Her chest hurt. It was all she could do to hold herself as she ducked her chin with a rush, taking off her glasses. She couldn’t look at Mon-El, she couldn’t let him see knots building up in her throat, tears building up in her face, and her chest closing in to crush her lungs. Was there enough air in the room?

She rubbed her temples, willing her body to get itself together. _They’re just words. How could they have such an effect on me? Why do they make me feel…so helpless? So weak?_ She didn’t know, she didn’t understand. Mon-El… He had a way of getting under her skin, making her feel things she never felt with anyone before.

_I didn’t want this. I didn’t ask for this. Why is he telling me these now?_ Her mind went back to the kiss that felt like it was both months ago and had just happened yesterday. She felt similar emotions that day, too. Asking Mon-El how he felt about her… That time it was different, though. That time, she felt like a high school girl crushing on someone for the first time. In like an “Oh, he’s hot,” kind of way. She never had that, not in high school, because she was always so focused on controlling her powers. And now, she had that opportunity in front of her.

And it was okay when Mon-El turned her down. She felt disappointed, yes, but it wasn’t a huge heartbreak. It was only like a high school student finding her crush didn’t like her back. Yes, it hurt, but it wasn’t a big deal. It wasn’t love.

That was why that kiss threw her off the rails. She wasn’t ready for the things it made her feel, because those were definitely not contained to “crush” parameters. Oh, no. Stammering heart, shortening breath, heating cheeks… That weren’t just “crushing” on someone. That was deeper, a level she wasn’t yet ready to explore. Her relationship with James had shown her that.

That was why she was okay to pretend like nothing happened. Mon-El didn’t remembered, so they didn’t have to feel like they were obligated to do anything. They could go back to being friends.

Now? That whole thing turned upside down yet again. Right as she had gotten a good grip on the situation, the ground was swept off from under her feet, taking her grip away, and she was free falling. Without powers.

“I, um…” Mon-El started, and only then Kara could lift her head. She tried to regain her composure, her blank face, yet it was impossible. She wondered if all the pain, struggle, shock was written all over her face. If it was readable. She saw Mon-El standing up, getting closer to him. “I saved you at the police station because…” He lifted his head, looking at Kara, as if he needed to face her in order to say the words. “Because I care about you.”

Kara was speechless, she didn’t know what to do. She couldn’t even distinguish the separate feelings from the turmoil of emotions inside her, let alone choose someone and go along with it. She found herself staring at Mon-El’s lips, the kiss replaying in her mind again, crushing her under that whole weight again. It wasn’t because it had been bad. It was because it was _good_ , and that she wasn’t ready for. That she couldn’t do.

_He put me before civilians. He didn’t listen to me. I don’t even know if I can trust him. I can’t do this. I have responsibilities. I have CatCo. I have DEO. I have to be Supergirl. I can’t go in a relationship. No matter what I feel. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter_.

Yet it mattered.

“Comets,” Mon-El whispered, taking her out of her thoughts. Say something, she told herself. Anything. Staying quiet, it only made her sink deeper in her thoughts, and she already felt like drowning.

“Mon-El,” she managed to say, her voice surprisingly normal considering what she was feeling. She dropped her chin, searching for a word to say, yet nothing came out. Nothing.

“I’m not here to change your mind,” Mon-El reassured her. She lifted her eyes to look at him. “I get… I get that you don’t care about me.” He struggled with keeping his gaze on her face as he almost forced those words out. Kara frowned, the words building up in her throat suddenly finding a way out with the hurt expression she saw in his face.

“I do care about you,” she objected. _In more ways than one. Not just as a friend. Not just as a partner. More than that. But you can’t know it. It can’t be true_.

“But not in the same way.” _Yes, in the same way. I wish I could say it. But I can’t. It’s too much. This can’t happen_. “That’s…” Mon-El tried to continue, but then he had to clear his throat as he shifted his gaze to his hands. “That’s good, that’s fine, it’s okay.” Kara wasn’t sure if he was telling the words to her, or himself, at that moment. And it hurt. She could feel her heart cracking in her chest, screaming at her, _this is your fault, this is your fault, this is your fault_.

_I don’t have a choice_. She knew it was a lie.

“You know, just… Keep working with me. I’ve been honest about this. Let’s just…Then we can ignore it, right? We can let it go. Just put it behind us.” He was trying to be hopeful, forcing a smile, and somehow it hurt more. It was all Kara could do to drop her chin to gather her courage. _Partners. That’s good. I can do that_.

“Um, yeah,” she managed to say, shaking her head. “Yeah, of course.”

“Just keep… Just keep being my partner.”

“Of course.” She couldn’t look at his eyes as she stared at the floor, and then her hands. _If I lift my head he’ll see. He’ll see how vulnerable I am_. “Thank you for being honest.” She only lifted her face then, after being sure it showed no signs of her thoughts.

“Yeah, okay,” Mon-El whispered, trying to hide his pain as well. He cleared his throat before smiling again. Kara tried not to see how fake it was. “Good talk.” And then he lifted his hand in a high five position.

Despite her feelings, despite her conflicting thoughts, despite the pain, the agony, the hold back tears and her knotted throat, Kara found herself smiling at that small gesture. Dropping her head, she chuckled slightly, feeling some weight lifting off her shoulders. Yes, she enjoyed being around Mon-El, at least that she could admit. As she’d said before: He made her smile at the most impossible situations. She high-fived him just before he turned around, heading to the door. He opened it before looking back at Kara.

“See you tomorrow, partner.” Kara took a deep breath, the effect of the smile passing as she forced a nod and an “uh-huh”. The door closed behind Mon-El, leaving Kara alone with herself and her feelings, yet even then she struggled to grasp everything that had happened.

The only thing she knew that despite her sensible side knowing she couldn’t get in a relationship with Mon-El, she didn’t feel good. Not that she expected it to feel good, but she hoped it would be a weight lifting off her shoulders. That was what one supposed to feel when a secret was out, right?

No. She felt just the opposite. And she wasn’t okay.

* * *

_I'm sittin' eyes wide open and I got one thing stuck in my mind_   
_Wondering if I dodged a bullet or just lost the love of my life_

**_\- I Don’t Wanna Live Forever_** by Zayn  & Taylor Swift


	3. secrets, lies, and truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex confronts Kara about her feelings for Mon-El.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!
> 
> Sooooo yep. I just wrote a fanfic in about 1.5 hours, when I could be studying for my upcoming load of exams. Should I have done that? Probably not. Do I regret it? No.
> 
> So this was an idea I played with throughout the day (in all of those boring lessons in schools) that was suggested by one of my readers, so I thought why not write it? I actually really enjoyed writing it, so I hope you enjoy reading it! And if there're any grammatical mistakes, please excuse me, because it's like midnight right now so I didn't really have time for editing (and I wanted to publish this before the episode aired).
> 
> Enjoy!

_Maybe I shouldn’t have hid my feelings from him_. “Kara.” _Or at least I should’ve said something before he left thinking that I didn’t care about him, in the same way_. “Kara?” _He was hurt, I could see it, he wasn’t okay. He pretended to be okay for my sake_. “Um, Kara?” _And I just let him go, because I was so scared of the possibility of a relationship. It was my fault_. “KARA!”

Kara jumped with her sister’s voice calling for her from across the counter. Actually, she wasn’t just calling, she was basically _yelling_ at the Kryptonian, an annoyed look crossing her face. Kara tried to snap out of her stupor and slip away from her—conflicting—thoughts as she dropped her hand from her cheek to the table.

“What?” Alex narrowed her eyes with Kara’s answer, lifting her brows.

“I called for you at least five times,” she explained. Kara blinked, dropping her wine glass on the counter in front of her. _The same counter we sat with Mon-El yesterday. The same spot_.

“Oh.” That was the only word that left her mouth. Alex scoffed, straightening up her shoulders and crossing her arms.

“Yeah, _oh_. You’d think for an alien with superhearing, it would take you a considerably less time to hear me.” She pressed her lips together. “But you weren’t even listening to me, right?”

“Hey!” Kara objected, pressing her palm to her chest as if she was offended. If she was to be honest, though, she had no idea what Alex had been talking about for the last five minutes. She’d gotten lost in thoughts about two minutes into the conversation, and the only thing she remembered was “Maggie”, “date”, and “Valentine’s Day”. Of course she couldn’t admit that to her sister, or else Alex would definitely interrogate her about what she’d been thinking about all that time. And she definitely couldn’t say: _Sorry, sis. Mon-El just came over here yesterday and confessed to me that he_ likes me _likes me, and I couldn’t do anything but sit at this exact spot and stare at him without saying anything because I was too damn scared to admit my feelings and have a relationship. But now I’m wondering if I’d made the wrong choice by letting him go, because I know it hurt him, and I don’t know how to fix it_.

Oh, no. That was a conversation she wasn’t ready to have.

“Of course I was listening to you. You said it yourself. I have superhearing.” Alex rolled her eyes to show she didn’t believe one word of that sentence before taking a sip from her wine.

“So tell me. What was I talking about?” she challenged Kara, resting her elbow on the counter.

“Um… You were talking about a date with Maggie.”

“I literally came to your house asking if we could talk about planning a date for Maggie.”

“It was for Valentine’s day?” Kara proposed, hoping her ears weren’t kidding herself. Alex sighed.

“That was the first thing I told you when I entered through that door. _I need your help to plan a date for Maggie and I on Valentine’s day_.” Kara narrowed her eyes and scowled at her sister, rummaging about her brain to find something else, _anything_. It didn’t work. She gave up eventually.

“Okay, fine. I wasn’t listening. I was… I was thinking about something.” A blush crept up her neck to her face, and Kara hoped that it wasn’t visible to her sister. But nothing escaped Alex’s hawk-eyes.

“Could this ‘thing’ be about Mon-El?” Kara’s eyes turned to Alex with those words, her eyes widening and her heart stuttering. She frowned, trying to act as nonchalantly as possible.

“Mon-El? What are you talking about?” she said, forcing out a laugh. It sounded more nervous to her ears than humorous.

“I saw the way you two looked at each other at DEO today.” Alex leaned forward, fixing her gaze on Kara. “And for someone who spent the better part of the last few weeks training Mon-El, you avoided him like he was Tom and you were Jerry.” Kara shot her sister a look.

“We weren’t like Tom and Jerry,” she protested stubbornly, lifting her chin. “And I wasn’t avoiding him.”

“Yes, you were.”

“No, I wasn’t.”

“Yes, you were.”

“No, I wasn’t.” This time, instead of continuing with their back-and-forth, Alex changed the subject so quickly, catching Kara so off guard that she almost spluttered the wine she was drinking all over Alex.

“It’s about the kiss, isn’t it?”

Kara’s heart stopped as her mouth dropped open. _The kiss? How does she know the kiss?_

_Oh Rao, Mon-El couldn’t have told her, right? Yes, he’s new to earth, yet he has to know it isn’t a good idea to talk about kissing a girl with that girl’s family._

_Could Alex have seen it? She knew all this time?_

Alex laughed, probably at her shocked expression, as she shook her head. “You really didn’t think you could kiss someone in the DEO, a place that has security cameras all over except the restrooms, and I wouldn’t _know_ about it?”

“You _watched_ us?” Kara asked incredulously, putting her glass on the counter before she crashed it in her hand. Alex sighed.

“No, I was dealing with a security issue at the time. I saw it on one of the screens, unintentionally. Though I was surprised that he lied about remembering it.” Kara’s eyes felt like they would bulge out of her eyes.

“Wait, _you knew that too?_ ” Alex only nodded with a quiet “uh-huh”, a smirk widening on her face. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It was about you two, not me. I didn’t want to get involved, and I thought you didn’t really like it.” She shrugged. “But I’m guessing that’s not true, right?” Kara didn’t know what to say as her shoulders slumped. She stared at her hands for a couple of seconds.

“I… I don’t know.” _Yes, you do_ , a part of her mind told her _. Just admit it, Kara_.

 _Shut up_.

“Well, I think you know it well, but besides that… Mon-El confessed about remembering the kiss, right? That was why you were being so awkward at the DEO?” Kara shot a glance at Alex.

“Maybe,” she admitted. “ _Maybe_. But what if he did? It doesn’t change anything. We’re friends. That’s it.”

“Are you sure?” Alex said suspiciously, running her fingers on her wine glass. “Was that the only thing he confessed?” Kara bit her lip, glaring at her sister for seeing through her like she was an open book all the damn time.

“You know what, sometimes I hate your observation skills,” she grunted before running her fingers through her hair. “He _might’ve_ also told me that… That he might be caring about me. _That way_.” She clenched her fist on the counter, not being able to face her sister. She didn’t want to talk about this, not when this whole thing happened a day ago. The emotions were too fresh—the pain, the guilt, everything—and she could easily say something. Reveal a secret. _Reveal that I might like him as well_.

“Oh, wow,” was Alex’s response as she straightened up. “I did not expect that.” Kara lifted her brows.

“Why?”

“Well, you know, because confessing your feelings require a lot of courage. It isn’t easy. I just didn’t think Mon-El had enough of that to man up and admit all of that to you.” Kara took a deep breath as she closed her eyes, burying her face to her hands.

“You’re not the only one that didn’t expect that,” she whispered before lifting her head. “What am I gonna do, Alex? I can’t even be in the same room with him without thinking about everything he said.” _And about that kiss_. “I just… I don’t want to lose him over this.”

“Then admit that you’re feeling the same way,” Alex said almost matter-of-factly. Kara shot her a glare.

“I can’t do that. I can’t have a relationship with anyone.” _Especially not him_. “And how can I trust him after what he did at the police station? He was ready to let those police officers die to protect me.”

“He was trying to save you from those fake-Livewires, Kara,” Alex said softly, her eyes filled with compassion.

“But I didn’t need him to save me!” Kara groaned with frustration. “I needed him to protect those police officers. I asked him specifically to stay at his post, and not rush to me to save me.” Alex shook her head as she reached forward to hold the Kryptonian’s hand.

“Yes, you asked him. It was a relatively easy choice to make for you: your life for the police officers. You wouldn’t let anyone die for you. But Mon-El’s choice wasn’t that easy, Kara. He had to choose between someone he loved and a group of people he didn’t know. Even the best of the heroes would struggle with that decision. Would you be so easily able to let J’onn die if it was between him and those police officers? Would you let _me_ die?” Kara wanted to open her mouth and object, tell her that she would do the heroic thing, but…

But if she had to be honest with herself, she didn’t know. Even the thought of Alex dying was enough to freak her out. She didn’t want to know what she’d do in that situation. The only thing she could do was stay silent.

“That was the choice Mon-El was faced with. For someone that lost his planet, I can imagine how hard it must’ve been for him. And let’s not forget, he’s new to all of this. In time he’ll learn, he’ll get better, and maybe then he’ll be able to make the right choice. But you can’t expect him to do that so easily right now.” Kara didn’t know what to say as she watched her sister, pressing her lips together.

“You do realize that you’re speaking up for Mon-El right now, right?” she asked, her voice strained with her knotted throat. Alex chuckled.

“Yeah, well. He did save you from those Livewires, and on Slaver’s Moon. Maybe he’s more of a hero than I’d given him credit for.”

“How much of that wine did you drink?” Alex smiled.

“Not so much to not know what I’m talking about.” She sighed, squeezing Kara’s hand. “Kara, I can see how much this weighs on you. And I know you’re scared. You think I wasn’t scared when I started falling for Maggie? Hell, I was freaking out about all of it. I didn’t want it at first either. I thought… Well, I thought it would only complicate my life, and I didn’t want any complications. But it isn’t like that. It isn’t a complication. Instead, it’s something you can count on when everything else is complicated. It becomes a rock that you can lean on when you feel weak. You don’t have to carry your burdens alone anymore, you have someone. It’s a good thing, and nothing to be scared of.” She took a deep breath. “And you’re right, I can’t believe I’m saying this about Mon-El, but give him a chance. It might not work out at the end, but you can’t run away from love just because of that. And even if it doesn’t, it’s worth the risk. Trust me, okay?” Kara could only stare at her sister, watch her hopeful smile and compassionate eyes. It took her a couple of moments to nod.

“Okay. I’ll… I’ll give him a chance. I’ll talk to him tomorrow.” Alex’s smile turned into a brilliant grin as she straightened up and pulled her hand back, draining the wine in her glass.

“That’s my girl,” she encouraged her before reaching for the wine bottle. “Now, can we talk about that Valentine’s Day date? Because I still haven’t figured that issue out.”


End file.
